if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Houston, we have a blender
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
