Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I cannot find my penis.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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