census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
