If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
