I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
