im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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