I just threw up on my dentist
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
