This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
