u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
