i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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