My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
