we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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