I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
