She's JV to your varsity
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
