K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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