i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
