he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They took my balls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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