When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
