oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
