Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
