I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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