You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
