The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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