R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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