I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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