i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
