Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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