C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize