I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
