I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
