I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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