She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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