you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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