dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize