he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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