Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
