Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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