why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
