remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
