I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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