No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize