How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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