I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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