id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
only if we run a train.
done.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize