Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
