Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drake has all the answers
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
