If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
