I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
