nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
