I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not a walk of shame if you run
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize