he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
