Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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