but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Floor bacon is actually really good
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
