Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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