she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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