I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
