I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
