My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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