No stitches, just platelets and will power
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
