I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He better not be in your backpack
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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