I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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