I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
