Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
