Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
