i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
