He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
