we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
